You had all cliques represented -- the cut-up (Zack), the jock (Slater), the nerd (Screech), the princess (Kelly), the fashion-savvy rich girl (Lisa)...and then, somehow, there was the women's activist (Jessie).  I'm not sure how or why the character of Jessie was created.  But, apparently it was the springboard for Elizabeth Berkley to do...ahem...bigger, and better things. 

Anyway, like most insanely popular television shows for youth, Saved by the Bell had it's very own line of...everything.  Bedding, shirts, posters, Halloween costumes, dolls, and even bathroom products. 

In 1993, the fine folks at Ampro Industries put out out bubble bath, lotion, soap and shampoo as part of their T-Teen Esteem line of products.  These came in a big box together called the "Saved by the Bell Bath Pack." Surprisingly, this company which I have never heard of, is still alive and kicking with a hair gel line that claims to be #1.  We'll see about that another day.  Anyway, these bathroom products came in various scents named after the characters.  This wouldn't be so bad if the scent named after the most trademark staple in the show wasn't so horridly named:

The production meeting clearly went as follows:

Steve: Alright gang, we've gotta really make this Saved by the Bell line good...our #1 hair gel depends on it.  We're namin' the scents after these characters on the show.  Jerome, you're the most hungover.  I want you to reach into bowl 1 and pick out a name.  Reach into bowl 2 and pick out a scent.  Put them together as one grammatically-incorrect word and tell me what it is.

Jerome: ZACKBERRY!

Steve: Not as good as Screechcasabamelon...but we'll take it.

Take a look at this stuff...it's time for you to see what we're dealing with here.  This stuff is for real, and you better believe it's bad to the bone.

If you can't read the back, it says:

"Clean and condition your hair in one step with Saved by the Bell T-Teen Esteen 3-N-1 Shampoo.  3-N-1 Shampoo not only thoroughly washes away all styling aids, the specially formulated conditioner gives your hair a bright, healthy shine.  Plus you'll love the unique freshness of ZachBerry fragrance.  Leaves hair soft, manageable and beautiful."

What kid wanted to smell like Zack if Zack smelled like berries? Apparently not many because quite frankly, I never saw this item in stores.  It only came into my hands in recent years and even then, it's taken me a couple of years to even pull it out to write about.  But I'm sure there are many'a over 30, obese, living-in-the-past Saved by the Bell women fans who would love to cover their hair with ZachBerry today. 

I'm not sure what the commercial for this stuff was like, but if I had to wager a guess, I'll bet it was something like that time the guys all slid into the living room in their socks and lip synced Barbara Ann:

These guys didn't achieve this kind of status by using Head & Shoulders.  No, my friends.  These guys use ZACKBERRY.  The commercial would end with Zack nabbing Kelly for the 1348903th time and holding up a bottle of ZackBerry behind her back as if to say it's his secret weapon.  Perhaps this stuff is the predecessor to Axe. 

Okay, so it's time to break this crap open and see what the deal is.  I don't know what kind of shelf life shampoo has but the only way to get a real review out of this is for me to actually use it.  And, that is what I'm going to do.  I'm going to go take a shower and wash my hair with 14 year old ZackBerry.  For you. 

First, let's take a look at the color and scent of this crap today.

Here's some of it squirted out onto a white sheet of paper, oddly lit due to being under my computer monitor.  But, as you can see the stuff has a very transparent, light pink color.  I was expecting something with a name like ZackBerry to be something a little darker.  Okay, and the scent.  ZackBerry doesn't smell like I thought it would, although 14 years ago it might have smelled a little different.  The more I smell it though, the more it reminds me of a cross between a cherry Mr. Sketch marker and Mr. Bubble.  Definitely not a bad smell. 

Okay, it's time to go do this.  It's 9:31 PM currently and I'm taking ZackBerry to the shower.  Please hold.

It's 9:45 PM now and I'm back.  ZackBerry is pretty rad, all things considered.  It does what it should -- it washes your hair.  I don't know about this 3-N-1 crap though.  I was thinking...it washes, it conditions...but what's the third? Yeah, it says it removes hair product but...doesn't that fall under washing? Maybe the third thing is getting Zack Morris' mojo.  Yeah, watch out Kelly Kapowski.  I've got the power of ZackBerry.  Word.

Josh, 6/1/07

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