There are honestly few things dearer to my heart than Ernest P. Worrell.
His commercial and theatrical
antics were not only well-received, they were understood, especially for
someone living in Texas like myself. Back in
the 80s, when Ernest was nothing more than a guy hocking everything from
cars, to news stations, to dairy products at you on commercials, somehow
he just made sense and still does.
You either loved Ernest or he got on your nerves. I was going to say
hate, but we'll save that word for things like presidential candidates
and traffic. Either way, he was wildly successful. And like any
successful pop culture icon, the rubber-faced, denim-vested character
fell victim to the two big ones: exploitation and merchandising. Today,
we'll focus on the latter, but first, a quick history lesson.
Ernest started out as a character invented by the Carden and Cherry
advertising agency in Tennessee for use in commercials. Played by former
Shakesperean actor and comedic genius Jim Varney, the commercials
typically consisted of Ernest talking to his neighbor Vern about the
latest and greatest person, place or thing while Vern, while never seen,
had little or no interest and frequently tried to get rid of Ernest. The
commercials usually ended with a physical comedy gag or well-written
punchline.
The character grew to appear in major markets all over the country
and quickly became one of the most recognizable faces on television. His
trademark phrase, "KnowhutImean" (spell check had a field day with that
one) was repeated by kids and adults alike, which added to his universal
appeal. Home videos such as "Hey Vern! My Family Album!" were released
(in which we meet the various members of the Worrell family, all
portrayed by Jim Varney).
As the popularity grew, Ernest was given his own television show on CBS
Saturday mornings in 1988 called "Hey Vern! It's Ernest!" Shortly
thereafter came a plethora of films, more commercials, and merchandise.
We'll start off with talking about one of the most cliche merchandising
items of the 80s: the talking pull-string doll. Specifically, the
Ernest P. Worrell talking pull-string doll. Behold:
Based on the success of the
Emmy-winning "Hey Vern! It's Ernest!" childrens' television show, the
doll was released in 1988 with the show's branding on it. The box is
covered with goofy pictures reminiscent of the show's intro with ol'
Ernest peering out from the inside. Ernest, while looking more like
a happily-posessed
Randy Travis, is still chipper as usual. The only thing inaccurate
about Ernest is that, to avoid any confusion of who it is, his shirt
clearly reads "ERNEST" across it. It reminds me of the Everlast
shirts from the early 90s, if people in prison wore Everlast shirts. Well, that, and the real Ernest didn't
have a foot-long lawnmower puller starter coming out of his back.
After all these years, Ernest's talking mechanism still works but
is downright the creepiest sound you've ever heard. Occasionally
too fast, occasionally too slow, rarely dead on. The phrases he says,
such as "I luvvvv you!" and "EWWWW!" sound nothing like Ernest (unless
they happen to play at normal speed). But basically, this is what
the boogie man would sound like if he embodied Ernest P Worrell.
Sometimes it sounds more like Chris Tucker in Friday than Ernest.
Hearing Ernest say "Break yoself, fool!" would be quite satisfying.
On another note, research shows that most Ernest dolls that have survived over the years
are missing the hat, which surprisingly really comes off. Research also
shows that eating grits slowly depletes your brain capacity.
Here's
what the sides look like, if ever you were curious:
The next
piece of Ernest contraband memorabilia we're going to
look at is the Ernest P. Worrell "Book of Knawledge."
Published in 1986,
this 8x10, half-inch thick paperback book features supposedly everything
you could ever need to know to get you through life. Its
black-and-white-ink-on-manilla-paper pages are filled with enlightening
titles such as "People You Should Avoid," Things You Can Do With
Caulking," "5 Ways to Scare Old People," "Unlocking the Mystery of
Public Restroom Identification" and "Power Tools: The Do's, The Dont's,
and the Gray Area." Let's have a look at a few:
All things considered, it really is a hilarious read. The pages are
obviously hand-assembled and very 80s in their decor. In addition to the
goofy stuff mentioned above, there actually are quite a few useful pages
in the book, such as a measurement chart for cooking purposes and a
how-to guide on tying a tie. You know, things that guys in Ernest's
demographic wouldn't typically have on mental file. Things that I
wouldn't have on mental file.
The book itself is an extremely rare
find. And really, I can see why it's not on the NY Times Best Sellers
list, but at the end of the day, it's not a bad read on a rainy day when
you've got a spare tube of caulking and nothing to do with it.
This article only scratches the surface of the Ernest P. Worrell
franchise. While the majority of the merchandise released was
"viewable," (movies, video releases of the television show and
commercials), there were a few of these gems that have since been
forgotten. Fear not, I've got so much Ernest stuff it has its own box,
so we shall all meet again. For now, I've got some old people to scare.
Or to teach about caulking. I'll call it when I get there.
Check out the creepiness of the Ernest P.Worrell doll at our YouTube
account, "cmonfwank"
or below!
