Lately I've been on a huge Ghostbusters kick.  It's always been of high interest, but never a huge priority.  If I had my choice over watching Ernest Goes to Camp or Ghostbusters, 9 out of 10 times, I'd be watching Jim Varney falling off a ladder.  For some reason, lately, it's switching to the latter.  Ladder to latter.  I've been watching the movies, watching the cartoons, and re-collecting the merchandise.  It's like reconnecting with an old friend and finding out all kinds of things you never knew about them, even though you've known them your entire life.  Ghostbusters is my friend and we're getting reacquainted here, thank you. 

There were only a few items of merchandise I really wanted, and that list hasn't changed at all from when I was a kid to today.  Unlike Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where I had to have every last item with the Turtle seal on it, with Ghostbusters, I could be a little more selective.  While the standard action figures are must-haves, as well as that really goofy Granny Gross Ghost action figure, most of my non-existent list consists of things that bore the Ecto-Plazm name. 

In the Ghostbusters movies, Ecto-Plazm was a slimy substance left behind by ghosts and was proof that a ghostly (or is it ghastly?) encounter had just gone down like James Brown.  It was a greenish, translucent glop that looks like liquid washing detergent.  Bill Murray was notably doused in the sludge during the gang's first meeting with Slimer, where he painstakingly uttered those famous three words:

Somehow, that ghost snot became a marketable toy in a can, and it was sold in 7 ounce sizes that directly rivaled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' "Ooze" play-slime in the late 1980s.  Ghostbusters Ecto-Plazm play-slime was something to behold.  Unlike consumer slimes of today that don't stick to or stain anything, this stuff could ruin carpet like nobody's business.  Play-slime had a certain risk to it back then.  You knew it was delicate stuff, and you treated it with respect.  Because if you didn't, you surely had a beat-down coming. 

In 1988, during The Real Ghostbusters cartoon run, the true essence of slime was twisted from something that got you messy to something that got you clean.  In the name of giving me something to write about at 4:16 am on a Tuesday night, we forgive you for making the mistake, whoever you are.  And thus I present to you, The Real Ghostbusters Ecto-Plazm Bubble Bath.

Not unlike similar products at the time, this thing comes with an unnecessarily gluttonous amount of extra packaging.  While the giant Slimer head on the front undoubtedly attracted more kids, myself included, it's easy to see why it's not exactly environmentally friendly.  Still though, I miss the bright, bulbous look of products from this time.  It probably was a huge unnecessary cost to create the giant rubber statue on top that serves no functional purpose, but companies just seemed to care a little more back then.  It added to the experience.  You had to take Slimer off his pedestal to access the goods, and then you had a bath toy keepsake to remind you of the good times long after your bubble bath was gone. 

On the opposite side though, I'll argue that it's also a bit of false advertising to have a toy on top of the actual container of the product that's bigger than that itself.  No kid is going to glance at the net weight, unless they're a nerd, and nerds don't buy Ghostbusters bubble bath.  Kids are going to just look at the foot-tall size of this thing, and assume it comes with a crapload of the good stuff.  Either way, let it be known that Slimer is hollow, and that once he's removed, the product simply becomes your standard 7 ounce play-slime can. 

Besides a slightly different label, it looks just like the Ecto-Plazm that you don't play with in the tub.  The stuff that ruins carpets and lives forever.  And I'm sure THAT paved the way for quite a few mix-ups.  You know there was some disappointed kid that dumped a whole container of the play-slime into the tub and just stood there, staring at the blob on the bottom of the tub, waiting for it to create suds.

The back of the packaging comes complete with directions on how to turn your sludge into bubbles.  "DIRECTIONS: Scoop out one small handful (½-1 oz.) of ECTO-PLAZM™ Bubble Bath. Place in tub under warm running water.  Thoroughly mix with water before entering tub." What's more alarming than step-by-step directions on how to make bubbles is the statement underneath in tiny text that reads, "CAUTION: Use only as directed.  Excessive or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract."

Personally, I feel that priority was a little out of whack on the information provided to the consumer on this one.  Possibly jacking up someone's urinary tract is pretty serious business.  But instead, the company feels we need to know that one small handful is the equivalent of ½-1 ounces before this.  I suppose though that if you followed the directions and didn't put too much in, you wouldn't need the information below it.  Only now do I learn that this stuff had to be just as respected, if not more, than the regular play-slime. 

And now all the questions arise.  20 years later, how does The Real Ghostbusters Ecto-Plazm Bubble Bath hold up? Does soap age? Would it have even changed at all over the course of 20 years? As I took the cellophane wrapping off of the package, popped Slimer off of his throne after two decades, and double-checked that this didn't trigger a boulder flying at me from behind, I wondered what this time capsule held. 

I untwisted the lid.

I was ready. 

I raised it up to look inside. 

I was...

Everything about this crap is utterly PUTRID.  First off, 7 ounces has somehow become no more than 4 through some kind of Houdini process of escaping through the sealed package.  The first thing that hits you is the SMELL.  The fragrance of bubble bath can still be detected through a smell only comparable to vomit, so that it smells like someone puked buckets and tried to mask it with air freshener right before you came over or something.  It gives you an instant feeling of nausea and I personally had to snort Febreeze after taking these photos to get the smell out of my life. 

The stuff has evolved from its former green hue to a horrible shade of maple syrup brown.  The texture of this stuff is the biggest mind-blower.  It has actually congealed in its 20 years of slumber, and is so thick that you can actually see your fingerprints in it when you touch it.  With mutations so hardcore it would make a Ninja Turtle shudder, I had to know if this stuff still worked.  I had to make a bubble bath with it.

I ran some water and proceeded to try to pour some of the Ghostbusters caramel into the tub.  Eventually, it finally plopped out in a big mass and splashed into the water below.

A little agitation by hand and...

SUCCESS!! I made suds with lethal 20 year old bubble bath.  I didn't get near it though; if brand new Ghostbusters Bubble Bath can irritate your urine tract, there's no telling what TWENTY YEAR OLD Ghostbusters Bubble Bath can do to you.  I wasn't about to find out.  I called the Hazmat team to come drain my tub and tightly secured both the lid and Slimer back onto the can of bubble bath. 

In summary, The Real Ghostbusters Ecto-Plazm Bubble Bath, while a fantastic (yet slightly urinary-abrasive) product in the 1980s, does not get better with age.  On the 1 year anniversary of C'mon Fwank, the stuff will then be 21 years old.  I'll check up on it to see if it's grown an arm yet.  Or maybe take it out to the dance club.

Josh, 12/10/08

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