If there was one way you could describe me in my elementary school years, it would be this: "That kid hates scrambled eggs, but he loves scrambled cable channels."
 
Our cable box was one of the old, old ones--you literally did have to go up and turn that dial! And as a small child with a short attention span and a love of all things shiny, that faux-brass cable dial was a cherished toy. And the one thing that fascinated me would be the five or six scrambled channels. A mass of greens, pinks and blacks... some would have faint audio, others would have a horrid screeching noise. But they all left me with the same question: what are they hiding?
 
You can imagine my thrill when, for one week four times a year, one of those channels would all of a sudden blink on with full picture and sound. It seems unheard of to most people today, but back in the 80s and early 90s, The Disney Channel was a premium service just like HBO and Showtime, and would have free preview weeks. Usually I'd catch first sight of it on the weekend, then rush through my kindergarten classwork to get home to watch more of it. Unifix cubes can only entertain a kid for so long, after all. I'd have a great time watching shows, hearing ads for the shows yet to come, blissfully unaware that by the next Monday morning, it'd be back to the scrambled screen.
 
Going back this far in my memory leaves me with just a mishmash of shows and events. But let's muddle through what I can.


Ooh, she pretty. Where's my teapot of pennies-a-day?


First and foremost: the 1-800 number. During these free preview weeks, you'd often see the camera pan across the Disney Channel's "hotline" room, and stop on a plucky female operator with a soft and tender voice and a one-or-two syllable name like Beth or Nancy. She'd offer you a special gift--usually a watch with a Disney character whose arms and/or legs went around the clock. She'd always remind you that the channel was available "for just pennies a day." Pennies a day, hmm? Well, my grandmother keeps a brass teapot full of coins. There must be tons of pennies in that, my small, grade-school sized self thought. Taking the teapot from the living room shelf, I took the phone and dialed the number (I still know the number by heart), telling the operator that I had many pennies and to keep the channel running. It was the first time I got in trouble over using the phone, but by no means the last.
 
"Mother Goose: Rock 'n' Rhyme." Remember that one? This musical special reads like a Who's Who of Ultimate '80s Celebrities: Shelley Duvall, Harry Anderson, Cyndi Lauper, Little Richard, Jean Stapleton, Garry Shandling, and Howie Before-The-OCD-Took-Control-So-He-Could-Wear-An-Egg-Costume-With-Full-Makeup Mandel.


If Garry Shandling didn't give you nightmares back in 1989, maybe
this will help them come.

 
The Fun Shows: I had an instant love and fascination for three specific shows: Mickey Mouse Club (forget Britney and Justin, gimme a Party Pickle! Geez, what's with the snickering?):


Terri! Fred! And You!

Kids Incorporated (Yes, yes, that's Fergie as a kid, let's move on already!):


Fergilicious.

And, Adventures in Wonderland... Even at the age of five, I learned how to love a good theme song and criticize a plot device. How many freaking reasons did Alice have for jumping into that mirror anyway? Read a dang self-help book!


Didn't you think the Mad Hatter looked a lot like he could
be the cousin of Schemer from Shining Time Station?)

 
The Boring Shows: I would probably have a better understanding of it today, but at the time, Avonlea was just a lot of girls in long pale dresses and lots of hills. The animal series didn't really do it for me either, even that 'Cheetah' movie they seemed to love pulling out every preview week. And, I'm sorry Disneymation fans, but I didn't ever really take a liking to the cartoon series like TaleSpin or Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers. Loved the theme songs, but as soon as they'd finish, the knob would start spinning. I can say that and expect you not to snicker.
 
Under the Umbrella Tree: the 'classic' Canadian show about an adult woman and her cute anthropomorphic animal puppets. Grandmother story time! It was a boring summer weekend circa 1989 and I had been watching Disney's preview week while my grandmother alternated doing the TV Guide Crossword and reading her Martha Grimes novels. At some point after noon I simply said, "We should go to the pool and then go to Braum's or something." She said 'sure' without hesitation, which was unusual for her. We went to the pool to find it was closed. Bummer. But we went to Braum's anyway, had a couple of junior burgers and I came home with a tasty Butterfinger Mix.

To her credit, instead of going back to her mystery novels, she flipped on the Disney preview where Under the Umbrella Tree was playing that episode where they're in the Mary Poppinsy-style jackets with all the buttons sewn on. What a memory with very little to do with the topic at hand.  Click [HERE] to see it.

 


One of the "super bonuses" Disney Channel offered those who ordered up was a complimentary subscription to the channel's own Magazine. I managed to snag a copy of the very first one, all the way back from 1982. Note the channel's original logo and signage. Mmm, signage.

The magazine itself is really not that interesting. Descriptions of some of the programs being produced and acquired by the network fill most of the pages, and there are some interesting pictures of animatronic Pooh Corner characters being set up for use and taping. There's some news about coming attractions to the Disney theme parks, mostly Epcot, and a feature story about the "smash movie hit" Tron.

Perhaps the oddest feature in this magazine is its seeming obsession with one George Plimpton. George, George, George. There's three pictures in this 30-odd page magazine with George Plimpton in a library setting, some with a Disney character by his side. George. Plimpton. (And a hot plate! for you Simpsons fans who remember his guest appearance). The way they fawn over George and his series Mouseterpiece Theatre makes you think that the channel wasn't The Disney Channel but rather The Wonderful World of Plimpton.

Enjoy these mostly Plimpton-clad highlights from the magazine below!
 


Chase, 12/15/08

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