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In the time the site has been up, I've written two articles on shampoo
or shampoo-like products. First, there was the
ZackBerry that served as nothing short
of a prerequisite to modern Axe. And then there was the
Ghostbusters bubblebath that required
a Hazmat team to handle after years of curdling. Part of me wanted
to hold off. But the rest of me knowed more better.
Save for Scribble Stix, I'm fairly sure there'll never be a shampoo or
bath product article that I'm prouder to have on the site than this: the
granddaddy of all bath products. The holy grail of kid
cleanliness. The colossus of clout. The
ultimate fusion of work and play, bottled up in an 8 ounce lifeline to
parents around the country with dirty funknasty kids who refused to
bathe, all courtesy of a fledgling television network and a
local-gone-global Canadian television show that forever changed
EVERYTHING.
In 1986, Nickelodeon had long already acquired the Canadian cult-classic
smash You Can't Do That on Television and through the import of
YCDTOTV's co-creator/director Geoffrey Darby, launched Double Dare,
of which he co-created and produced. The common denominator among
these two shows, aside from Darby, was the slime that YCDTOTV introduced
and DD ran with.
Long before DD's neverending run of merchandise that ran the standard
exploitation gamut of lunchboxes, videos, games, clothes and wearable
accessories, Nickelodeon released two products with YCDTOTV's branding
with the genius realization that the army of kids that watched the show
dreamed of being slimed more than anything. Kids
relentlessly mixed their own secret, putrid concoctions of the green
stuff and ruined many a'Sunday best outfit.
So, instead of taking the route of creating a carpet-ruining,
hair-sticking toy slime such as Gak
that still maintained the characteristics of being a messy substance,
they went the opposite direction and created bath products. The
result was win-win: kids got to slime themselves, and were coaxed into
taking a bath at the same time. Pure freaking genius from a
marketing perspective. And it worked.
As I mentioned before, there were actually two products released.
There was the Green Slime Shampoo that most are familiar with, and then
there's the Green Slime Liquid Soap that people are not-so-familiar
with. It came in the same bottle, with a slightly lighter shade of
"slime" inside. A hand pump and yellow label also separate it from
its much more famous counterpart.
Bullet-proof glass case not included.
Both bore the YCDTOTV logo on the label, and neither mentioned Double
Dare. Granted, in 1986 when Green Slime Shampoo/Liquid Soap
came out, YCDTOTV was already a well-established machine and DD had
hadn't yet premiered.
But, given the formats of the two shows, there was no place to promote
the product on a sketch comedy show aside from blatant product placement
(which never happened)...but there was plenty of room to promote
it on a game show. So, on the first taped episode in 1986,
Double Dare became the sole source of advertisement for Green Slime
Shampoo during the consolation prize spiel. While Green Slime
Liquid Soap never made an on-camera appearance during this time, it was
still given to the contestants with the shampoo.
The "Green Slime Shampoo" prize slate from Double Dare.
Green Slime Shampoo made a few appearances on Double Dare outside
of the realm of the consolation prize. The most memorable of these
took place in 1987, when announcer Harvey had shampooed his hair with
the Green Slime Shampoo and later, decided that host Marc Summers' hair
"looked soiled" and needed to be shampooed as well. He called him
over, dumped water on his head and squirted a healthy dose of Green
Slime Shampoo on. The two recited the shampoo's slogan, "gets you
clean, won't turn you green," as Harvey agitated the shampoo on Marc's
head into a hat of suds.
Harvey and Marc Summers, the original bromance.
Green Slime Shampoo faded away from existence around 1988 when Double
Dare began heavily releasing its own line of merchandise. A
few things, such as the Double Dare Home Game, released in
1987, overlapped with Green Slime Shampoo, but for the most part,
there's a clean line drawn between the two.
My personal memories of Green Slime Shampoo are vague and standard to
begging for it in the store, taking it home, dumping it on my head and
taking a bath. There wasn't much else to do with it. But
those memories are pretty golden. Even looking at the bottle takes
me back. The hand-drawn "green slime" logo, the timeless
Nickelodeon logo, and of course, the soapy green snot surrounding it
all. And with most things I write about, I tend to associate a
particular smell with it. It just had that amazing 80s kid product
smell to it...kinda fruit-like (I refuse to say "fruity," Chase), kinda
baby powder-like. Write me if you have a clue what I'm talking
about. Goods just don't smell like that anymore. FOR REAL.
Today, Green Slime Shampoo is hard to come by. Bottles have gone
for over $100 on eBay. Aside from when I hosted and produced
SlimeCon and SlimeCon 2004, the two official reunions/conventions of
YCDTOTV, I haven't seen the stuff since. We had quite a few
bottles of the soap (as seen in the above picture, under glass) and a
couple bottles of the shampoo. But, all of those were from a
private collection from the studio where the show was shot and were
quickly returned.
But alas, after years of zero effort, not trying and general neglect, a
brand-new bottle of Green Slime Shampoo has made it into my hands.
Take a look at the bottle in all its phlegmmy splendor. It
probably means nothing to you if you never experienced this product as a
kid, but probably is a huge take-me-back if you do remember it.
The bottle itself is pretty cheaply produced, complete with a paper
label. Interestingly enough, there's no big shampoo company listed
like you would see today, having just licensed the title; Nickelodeon
literally must have footed the bill and had this stuff made for
themselves.
Upon looking at the bottle initially, the first thing that I noticed is that about a quarter of my
still-sealed bottle of mucus was curiously missing. After
referencing the photos of the shampoo and soap we had at SlimeCon, I
noticed all of those were too. Evidently, instead of turning
putrid like Ghostbusters bubblebath,
this stuff merely settles down and compacts. I'm much more okay
with that.
The color of Green Slime Shampoo hasn't changed a bit over the years.
It's still the same, cloudy neon green color it once was. And the
smell...oh man, the smell is still as present and potent as ever.
So perfectly 80s. Again, I swear, if you know what I'm talking
about, write me. I have no choice but to relive life as I once
knew it and put this stuff to the test. I am going to wash my
hair with 23 year old shampoo.
The experience of washing one's hair with 23 year old shampoo is one to
be approached with caution. This stuff is 7 years older than
ZackBerry was, and that even scared me. All kinds of questions ran
through my head as I second-guessed doing what I could have just lied
about. I pictured my hair falling through my fingers and on to the
bathtub floor before being whisked away through the drain, inevitably
causing a clog from what was just attached to my scalp moments before.
But, that didn't happen. I'm going to be honest and say it burned
a little, but aside from that, it was a pretty normal experience.
And I'm totally digging the smell that'll follow me around for the rest
of the night. And now I can say I'm the only person in the world
who has washed their hair with Green Slime Shampoo in 2009.
Someone call Guinness.
-Josh, 8/9/09
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